2011年4月12日星期二
something from moodle
March 17th I am glad now that I didnt choose naive topics like happiness, because it is just a result.... it is too superficial, I believe what I really need is some significant change in life and thoughts. I cant. My computer dead because I poured too much water on it last week and wouldnt wait to operate it again just 3 hours later(water doesnt make computer dies, water and power do!), given the fact that I had the same experience some years ago and truly thought that was the last time me doing something that stupid. So once I lost this procession, I begin to think how precious it is, it is a new gift from mom, I shouldnt tell her to let her worry, it is all my fault, I should go to hell instead...etc... can I be grateful out of disasters? I think it is way too hard for a normal human being. I dont see it a lesson at all except my bad luck and my"take thing for granted" attitude. March18th I begin to feel my life is going to another direction. ever since I started my study on positive psychology,(not because of all the case studies I read, while maybe some of them are pretty convincing and impressive), I feel, very wiredly, that I am not as depressed as before, which is exactally the reason why I enrolled in this positive psychology class in the first place. Ok, you may not believe when you see meand become known of the fact that I used to be diagnosed as a depressionist. I have been seeking help from psychiatrist when I was in china, Hong Kong and America. I was also 'diagnosed' as a bipolar and OCD constantly by my friends... I konw how it felt, I remember how it felt. People say you will never understand depression until you get one. I fully agree. Whenever I think about the time I spent dealing with this horrible mental disease, not just the depressed feeling, but also that fact that I am such a wiredo who would waste time crying for nothing. but this semester has been different. Again people say : things change for better after tramatic events.. I wouldnt say I had some tramatic events, but there indeed were something that was imprinted hardly in my heart...something makes me maturer and ...more grateful. March 19th AIESEC exchange interview.... the first interview that I am actually so relaxed....I am just trying to be myself... I dont owe anything from anyone, I just wanna tell you stories about me and see if there's assonance.. Then there was a job fair....lame job fair....nothing but insurance companies... I am sure I cant sell better than a form 5 students if I do this but what I learned from the job fair is : connecting the dots...a share from some CEO.... the idea is , there's something that you are doing now that seems have absolute no value, but.. they are actually the little dots that one day will be connected to form a line....a path to sccuess.. something like that. March 20th I am glad Aqua got the offer she wants, and I am sure she will make the right choice... she is mature and responsible, she is someone that would delay her gratification in order for a better result... but no matter how great she is, I cant play basketabll with her. I am very occupied with interview and dinner at the professor's... we watched youtube symphony, a nice movie called Russian Ark and ...OMG I cant believe this, a Chinese Opera. I feel so relaxed with Dr. Buja, she treats me like her little daughter, she is even knitting me this lovely gloves. There are people who, knowing the benefits I got, tried so hard to approach her and got what they want.... I just hope when they get what they want, they can feel the least gratefulness towards this great woman. March 21st Dinner with friends, Karen said: Sabrina you changed.... I dont know what happened to you, but why you are thinking so possitively? I am not a super optimistic person, but I am surly very easy to be influenced by people around me or what kind of the book I am reading. now I am reading a 'Thanks' book, so you would imagine. In this book it talked about all the benefits you get for being really grateful..so I get I am not really grateful since my life is still A MESS! March 23th As a part of the lingnan arts week, me and karen joined the poem reading of " A Shorpshire Lad" by A.E Housman, a 'part-time' poet and a depressed homosexual. I was lucky enough to read one of his most famous poem from the book: When I was one-and twenty" WHEN I was one-and-twentyI heard a wise man say,‘Give crowns and pounds and guineasBut not your heart away;Give pearls away and rubiesBut keep your fancy free.’But I was one-and-twenty,No use to talk to me.When I was one-and-twentyI heard him say again,‘The heart out of the bosomWas never given in vain;‘Tis paid with sighs a plentyAnd sold for endless rue.’And I am two-and-twenty,And oh, ‘tis true, ‘tis true.it happened that I am just one and twenty!! And I certainly will not give my heart away! March 24th Hi Sabrina, how was the rest of your Thailand trip? How was your stomach doing? Hope you got better soon. I kept having bad luck and fell off a motobike in Chiang Mai. Nothing serious though but some scars will stay forever. I am finally back home now in Germany so our one year of travelling is over. Take Care Lorenz I got this msg today on facebook and all the memories start coming back to my mind. I had the most bizarre solo trip in Thailand this year. I met sooo many people from all walks of life, I feel so unrestricted that I almost lost myself, almost forgot where I was from and where I am going. and I think it was becoz of that trip that I start to rethink about this spirituality growth and meaning of life. What kind of person I wanna become and at want time I have to cease pushing the envelope. what I see in this letter is melancholies in this boy. I see the excitement he had before the one year trip, the enchanted thoughts to be on the road, meeting weird people like me. but one year past so fast that he is not yet ready to reflect what was going on and he's back to his comfort zone again.... and that's it. the wilderness we long for might be very different from what we expected, since with this internet, you are instantly back to your old life again...seeing the old faces... worrying the same things. back to the topic, Gratitude,it was becoz was the crazy trip and I found home extremely sweet and parents extremely thoughtful. I want to stop being adventurous for a while and then get on road again one day when my itchy feet call. March28th one of my best friend just got a very prestigious scholarship to go to America for half of year's internship! I was very surprised! even if I go and apply, I may not get it.. I was very keen when she finished the interview, she described all the details to me and when she does, I feel there's something shining in her eyes! but at the end she suddenly got very melancholy saying: ah...I really don't know how I did the interview, I hope they like me... then I look into her eyes, and asked," tell me do you want it or not? do you want it?" " of course I want it, I want it so bad!" " then you will get it! " she looked at me and start laughing.... for the next few days she just waited and waited , anxiously but full of hope.... it is a strange feeling, nobody will perform perfectly, you should have he right attitude, seeing all the interview as a learning experience, no matter how bad you performed, be grateful, which is also shown later in your thank you letter!! and... just let the god to do the rest! if they hire you, they like you and appreciate your talents, if they don't, don't feel embarrassed about he result since you will never see those people again and you have carry with you something valuable! no hard feelings! it's tricky but that's how things work!!
2010年6月23日星期三
2010年6月10日星期四
2010年6月8日星期二
2010年5月27日星期四
losing control
越来越觉得自己的生活离谱了，但是总也是割舍不下那些美好的东西。 bobo说男生最喜欢的电影就是西西里岛的传说，因为电影说出了他们心中的秘密.. 我觉得是男人就没有不爱本能的， 年轻时候的莎朗斯通看得我都会流口水。。如果她的人品能再好一点的话，也许我会更爱她。
有人脱会被封杀，可她，真的就是经典了。
昨晚陪友人一起哭， 她说她会惧怕long-distance relationship.我说没有事，要勇敢的去试试，殊不知，其实我是最没有资格说这话的人了。因为unsecure的性格，从来都是那样的抑郁，低沉。 喜欢上一般人不会喜欢的人， 想着永远都不会想我的人， 忘记一直喜欢和支持自己的人。
我没有名校情节，尤其是越来越多的水货考上名校，我不觉得愤愤不平起来了， 觉得和那人在一起就会不由自重的自卑起来， 虽然自己没有那么差。 于是又发誓自己赚钱去上名校。。naive.
不想说话，变得闷骚起来， 只想看书，看family guy or fuck.
这次的crush真的让我学会很多， 虽然我到现在都不知道那个人是怎么想的， 我觉得，是该放弃了，我会让朋友继续深造，放下感情， 自己却在那里磨叽。
都不只罚过一次誓要从新振作起来， 找到目标， 但是早上还没起床就把一切都忘了。
shame on myself.
我想我还是不够勇敢， 没有底气去做很多事情，即使有着一份装出来的坚强。
Every kiss is a riddle, every hug is a myth.
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